thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
