By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
