Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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