i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
