I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
