it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
