i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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