And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize