I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
