I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
