sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
