home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The air taste purple.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
