maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
