I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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