I murdered the dance floor call the cops
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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