So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
