I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize