He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
