it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize