We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
