i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
