she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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