in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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