i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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