Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
