i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize