He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
