when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
