Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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