You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That accounts for only three of the penises
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize