ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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