Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
