I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
