I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
