You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got inside last night via doggy door
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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