She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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