I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
