i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
