Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
