Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
