So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
