The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
