actually, I'm a sock model
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
handjob tips. give me some.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
