Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
