no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I only lived at night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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