After last night, I could never be a politician.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
