i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
