I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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