Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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