Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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