Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
