we made out on top of his cat.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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