haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
