apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
