if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
