hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
third nipple confirmed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
