Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
