Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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