So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
